She Blamed Herself

She could only watch as her husband fucked the young girl on the kitchen table. Not making love, but rough hard sex. All she could do is helplessly weep as she was forced to see it. He was doing it to be cruel. An act of merciless cruelty, just for her. It hurt her like she’d never been hurt before. He relentless thrust himself into the girl who kept turning to look at her, smiling and grinning at her. It hadn’t always been like this. He was caring and tender once, even during their bondage games that they both enjoyed so much. They’d been married for four years and dated for ages before that, they knew everything about each other. Except the one secret she’d kept from him. The one thing she was afraid to tell him. Then about six months ago she plucked up the courage.

“What is it Catherine?” He’d asked as he sensed her unease.

“I… I um” She stammered, unsure what she even wanted to tell him as they sat up in bed that evening.

“Come on honey, you can tell me anything” He smiled trying to reassure her. He held her hand in his, but she was nervous and apprehensive about how he may react once she’d told him. She paused for sometime, just looking into his eyes. She trusted him and loved him, she believed he loved her too and decided just to say it.

“I love our sex life and our bondage games and all that… but” She gulped and lowered her gaze from his as she saw that look of hurt flash in his eyes.

“I really do, but I want something else” She glanced at him briefly as he squeezed her hand slightly.

“What honey, we can talk about this, I mean if you’re not happy” He urged her to continue and tell him what she wanted.

“No I am happy, I really am… I just want you to try something for me” She smiled at him, her turn to reassure him now, that she really was happy.

“Anything Cathy, you know I’d do anything for you” He quickly responded and she knew this was the now or never moment, she’d have to say it now and then there’d be no going back.

“I want you to be nasty to me, call me names, beat me… Treat me like I’m garbage” She blurted out and immediately looked to gauge his reaction. He looked stunned for a moment. Then just chuckled.

“That’s it” He laughed. “You want me to smack you a little and call you a whore” He looked relieved as he smiled at her.

“No I mean humiliate me, actually treat me like garbage, tell me and make me feel worthless” She tried to explain. He let go of her hand and slumped back against the head board. This time he really was stunned, his mouth slightly agape. She waited for a few minutes as he just sat like that, stunned and silent. She was getting more than just a little worried at this point, but he slowly turned to face her, still looking a little shocked to be honest.

“So what… You want… Is for me to… Tie you up, smear you with trash and filth… And tell you you’re a worthless piece of shit… And what bag you up like trash?” He asked slowly, almost as if to ensure he picked his words carefully. But he was spot on, that was exactly what she wanted.

“Yes” She replied softly, beginning to feel this had all been a big mistake. He had gained a perfect grasp of what she wanted, but she was afraid that this had all been too much to ask of him. She took hold of his hand. He looked shaken.

“I don’t know honey” He looked almost apologetic.

“It’s ok… I shouldn’t have said anything” She said, trying to think of a way she could take it back now. Wishing she could take it back.

“No, no… You had to honey… And” He interrupted as he grabbed her up into his arms and held her in a firm hug.

“It wouldn’t be fair, not to at least give it a try” He smiled as he released her from his embrace. He looked unsure, but was trying to hide it beneath the warm smile. She was relieved and excited. Relieved he hadn’t just said she was a twisted freak, it was an outcome that had crossed her mind more than once and excited that they would at least give it a try. They simply hugged and held each other for an age that evening. Nothing happened about it over the next week or so and she was far too concerned to bring it up again. She was just going to wait until he was comfortable enough to do it, or not as the case may be. But she was sure she wasn’t going to mention it again. He did. Almost two weeks after that uncomfortable confession he suggested it was time to give it a try. He tied her up, threw garbage on her and at her. He even managed to taunt and tease her a little, calling her a dirty whore and a piece of trash. It was all a bit awkward and too many chuckles and laughs to be effective.

“I’m sorry honey, it was harder than I thought” He had apologised afterwards.

“It’s ok, at least you gave it a try for me” She smiled back at him.

“I know it’s not what you really wanted… I promise I’ll take it more seriously next time” He assured her. She was thrilled. It had been a bit of a disappointment, but he was willing to give it another go for her. It was another week before it happened again. He’d said it was time for his second chance at treating her like trash and smiled at her. This time was very different to the first. He’d bound and gagged her almost viciously tight, very uncomfortable. She loved it. He’d spanked her long and hard, her buttocks burning afterwards and he’d gone all out with the trash, sitting her inside a big black garbage bag, pouring milk all over her, half filling the bag with all sorts of trash from the kitchen and he even smeared the leftover Chinese takeaway food into her face and hair. She was in rapture. Then he’d shouted at her, calling her a worthless piece of meat, a filthy whore and a dirty bitch. She felt utterly humiliated, degraded and when he walked away, just leaving her like that, she climaxed. She had an orgasm like none she’d ever had before. He only left her for a few minutes.

“Wow, I heard that from the living room” He smiled as he tenderly helped her out of the garbage bag. She was soon unbound and her lead her up to the bathroom, the bath already filled and waiting for her.

“Thank you” She smiled to him as she lay back in the bath, tired from her ordeal. He washed her considerately as she lay there simply smiling at him. It had been more than she’d hoped for after the last time.

“I did ok?” He asked as he softly sponged her arm clean.

“You are simply fantastic” She grinned uncontrollably as she leant out of the bath, hugging him securely, leaving him wet and soapy. She left it a few days before asking him if he’d do it again for her, he agreed without hesitation. The next night he’d done it again. Humiliating her and degrading her. Reducing her to a piece of trash, then tending to her gently in the bath. She loved it. Every second of it. Her transition to nothing, being his garbage and worthless. She even enjoyed him pampering her in the bath afterwards, making her feel loved and valued again. She had been so thankful, for finding the courage to tell him and more importantly how he’d not only tried it, but embraced it for her.

But that seems like an age ago now. It quickly became a weekly event, her humiliation and degradation. Soon after that even more frequent, three and even four times a week. It was bliss. At first. Something seemed to change in him, slowly that she couldn’t even pinpoint when it had begun. The baths became shorter and less considerate and sometimes there was even no bath afterwards. She be told to just go and clean herself up. The spankings became harsher, brutal almost, then he’d begun use things to beat her with, a hair brush, a paddle or a cane. The trashing became harder too, her garbage bag being filled with rancid garbage from all over the house. He even began to tie the bag closed with her inside or with just her head poking out of the top, leaving her alone in the garbage for hours sometimes. The worst was when he called her a worthless slut or spat on her, she believed he meant it. He’d become so cruel and merciless towards her and she didn’t know when or how it had happened. She blamed herself, for letting it happen and for asking for it in the first place. So now she had sat in this bag of filthy garbage for hours, stripped of her dignity, degraded, dehumanised. So ruthlessly bound and gagged her limbs hurt and ached. Smeared with garbage as it clung to her skin, dirtied her face and hung in her hair. She sobbed, tears rolling down her cheeks. Her husband had found a new level of cruelty to hurt her. Making her watch him and this pretty young girl fuck each other in front of her. The girl taunting her while she fucked her husband, smiling and grinning at her. She didn’t simply feel worthless, she was worthless. As worthless as the garbage she sat in.

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10.06.12